The power of mentoring
Or what I learned from mentoring / teaching / managing people / being mentored and being managed
I was asked to give a talk on ‘the power of mentoring’ for a recent event (more about this is on LinkedIn) which raised money for The Mentoring Lab, a not for profit youth organisation providing mentoring to young people from black and marginalised communities. I would definitely recommend checking this organisation out as their work, general philosophy and the mentors and mentees I met were brilliant!
Now full disclosure on the event - I’d agreed to join as part of a Dragons Den style panel and I was only asked to give a talk 3 days before! And it was the first public speaking I’ve done since the pandemic! But hey ho, in some ways not agonising over the content or practising it enabled me to get back out there without the fear becoming overwhelming. A few people in the audience gave positive feedback on the day and my talk was recorded, so the video may emerge at some point. I remember being very animated! I hope this came across as passionate and enthusiastic, rather than insane.
So what of the content? Drawing on a mix of experience from being a manager, teaching (which was my last role) and mentoring startups, I shared 5 key points:
1. Imposter syndrome affects us all
My first reaction to writing the talk about mentoring was that I’m an imposter!
Even though I know plenty about the topic, surely there are better people to speak about it? People who’ve mentored more or won Mentor of the Year or something?
On the design course I taught at Flatiron School, we always normalised the feeling of being an imposter. Students were adults studying software engineering or design for the first time, having switched from other careers. It was very normal for them to doubt their abilities. But even as teachers, even as managers, even as ‘experts’, we all have feelings of self-doubt. And the reference to Boris Johnson and other members of our establishment? Some of them should have more imposter syndrome in my opinion! If you’re feeling in any way worried about your ability to take on a new role, consider the fact that somehow Boris was PM!
2. Mentors also learn from mentees
I’m not 100% convinced of the titles ‘mentor’ and ‘mentee’ as it puts one person in the role of giving wisdom, whilst the other receives it. For me, that’s never been the full story. Each time I’ve managed or mentored or taught, I’ve learned from others. It’s especially important for interns and trainees to know how much they have to offer. Just by being early in your career, or by being new to the team, you bring a fresh perspective. We have an intern in my current team who is so brilliant, I only wish she could stay on (though I know she’ll go on to a fantastic career and hopefully our paths will cross!)
3. A seed will grow when watered and nurtured
My parents have on this phrase on a framed picture in their bathroom, alongside a few more bizarre slogans and gardening metaphors. I always think about how true it feels to the way people grow. We all need nurturing and nourishment. If you give most people time, attention, kindness and space, they will develop. Sadly we don’t all get the best start in life or in careers, and we might not receive the nurturing we need. But it’s never too late and mentors can make all the difference to help others grow. I’ve had a very positive experience with a coach recently, and one of the main wins was just feeling that someone was listening and taking an interest in my growth. That made me want to try and hold myself accountable.
4. Beyond mentoring, be a sponsor
We don’t have gender equality yet. If you look at the senior board levels of most companies, you will see more men than women. It was only this year that the number of women CEOs in the top 500 companies in the US outnumbered the male CEOs named John. There are 41 women in that list. One of the reasons for the lack of diversity at the top is because we tend to promote people who look like us. Studies show that women and any underrepresented groups need more than mentoring. They need sponsorship. The difference between mentoring and sponsoring, is that sponsoring goes beyond giving advice and uses one’s social capital to help someone else advance. For example, you can amplify someone’s voice, highlight their skills, recommend them or connect them to someone influential. I think back to a CPO I worked with in a previous role. Though she’d officially agreed to mentor me, she also acted as a sponsor and advocated for me in the boardroom. It’s not easy to find sponsorship, but so beneficial if you can. And we all have some power to sponsor others, though we might not be aware of it.
5. Feel proud forever
Without being too cheesy about it, some of the proudest moments in my career have been seeing the success of people I’ve hired and managed, or mentored, or who were former students. I still remember the recruitment day for the graduate scheme I once organised, where many took their first career steps. To see those same people now working at Google, the BBC and many other places is a pleasure. And to still be in touch with some of the people I managed right at the beginning, when let’s face it, I was inexperienced myself, is something that makes me feel very lucky. If people will still have the odd pint with you, that’s a good benchmark.
So that’s it!
What’s next on the public speaking front I wonder?
I was at the event you spoke and I thought..
- You did an amazing job
- You looked very natural
- I enjoyed your perspective
It is a shame when people do not give you time to prepare for an event but sometimes this forces you into action and avoids that thing looming over you for an extended period of time.
PS: Well written article!
Thanks so much and yes, you’re right! Sometimes you need that push and I knew I could do it. Procrastination didn’t have time to kick in!